It was a hard thing writing yesterdays post. I was opening myself up to embarassment and vulnerability and i was showing weakness.
then i went off and emailed a few life coaches with contact details and a link to that same post.
I dont think i can really describe how difficult it is for me to not only recognise those things in a way i couldn’t avoid or ignore, but to also act on them.
I’ve been stagnate all my life. I failed highschool because I was to afraid to try lest i fail, and that’s essentially been my way of doing everything since. and all those things i posted about yesterday in particular.
It only took me a day, not a week, to find a life coach that i feel can actually help me based on the conversation we had. It’s very easy to see this as me giving up control and letting someone else fix things for me but i dont think that’s the case and i’m sure that’s not how life coaching is going to work. I’ve justified my inaction and complacency, my arogance and stubbornness all too often saying i just dont have the skills to change the things about my life that need to change. I think life coaching is me asking for help in learning those skills.
I’m going to try and keep this updated, journalling my progress. I hope i can look back on this at some point in the future and say to my kids, and anyone else who’ll listen, “hey, look what i did. i actually made something of my life and you can to.”
I do feel slightly better about things today. so much that is going on all around me still sucks in a big way and that’s going to take a lot of time and work to get better. but i feel like i have some hope now. i haven’t honestly felt that for a long time.